About Us: Cobbie and Joseph
Cobbie, a London-born costume designer, and Joseph, a fashion textile design agent, have spent 12 years building a relationship rooted in love, independence, and mutual growth.
Cobbie, a London-born costume designer, and Joseph, a fashion textile design agent, have spent 12 years building a relationship rooted in love, independence, and mutual growth.
What qualities do you love about your partner?
Joseph: I love that he is very tenacious, he's powerful, he's proactive. He sets his mind on something and attains it. And I find myself a little bit more lethargic, so he's a good kind of motivator, I suppose. You're passionate, you're strong, fiery.
Cobbie: I like that he can be quite daring with how he makes decisions. For example when we first met, he had just started a new job and his first trip was to go to Lake Como for business. We'd only been dating maybe four or five weeks and he was like, do you want to come? It's a really super romantic place to just go with someone that you kind of don't really know. And we did it and it was really funny, like really nice. We had a really romantic time.
Did you first realise you were in love?
Joseph: I feel like I don't fall in love that easily. So it was a slow burn and it's been a process. And maybe that's not the most romantic kind of thing, but I think it's more real that it was not.
I mean, as soon as I looked at him, I was moved, obviously. But to really fall in love with his soul, it took seeing him in so many different scenarios. Like I moved in with his family for a while and every day I'd see him interacting with his nieces and nephews, and the love would get deeper. Seeing him in a more multi-dimensional way than just fancying.
Cobbie: You said something to me, which I thought was quite nice - you said it's not a light bulb moment. It's a collection of small moments and big moments. When we first got together, there were a lot of extreme situations that we put ourselves in. We really enjoyed spending time together, but straight away I was spending a lot of time at his house. And then when we went to go and live with my family, we got to see a side of each other through our family. Family is quite important to us. Family bring out the best and worst in you and you can't really control how you react. When you're around them, things become a lot more organic and I think it's more revealing of a person's personality. I always used to say to my friends that you don't really know your friends until you've met their family.
What's one thing you've learned about yourself through your relationship
Cobbie: I’ve definitely learned the first answer is not always the best answer. Patience and I've learned to be softer as a person, from him. He's very naturally quite kind and he has quite a soothing, soft voice, and I can be quite fast and rapid. So I've just kind of learned to slow down a little bit as well.
Joseph: And Cobbie has definitely taught me to stand up for myself more and to be stronger. A bit more London, I suppose. That's how you are.
Cobbie: I feel like Londoners are always moving through the world with a ‘Are you all right?’ kind of like energy. We're always ready. But I think I've kind of learned to just chill out a little bit. We both like to laugh and when I'm being my most serious, he does take the piss and it reminds me that shit isn't that serious. Sometimes it doesn't, sometimes it pisses me off. But you know, swings and roundabouts?
How has your love and relationship changed over time?
Joseph: It's been 12 years we've been together now and we've definitely grown up together. We met when we were in our mid-twenties. We've both come from not very inspiring jobs to jobs that we love. We spend a lot of time apart because of the nature of our work so we have our independence there as well. But I think the love has ebbed and flowed and we have high points and low points. We're definitely on a high point at the moment. I feel like confidence has grown and trust has grown and excitement as well. I'm always excited to come home and you'll be there for sure.
Cobbie: You're right, I think that ebbing and flowing is really important. I think it's okay to have moments where you don't like each other and then to learn through that. Not necessarily the point being that you don't like each other but just the point being that you're learning through it and you're trying to get through it.
Sometimes it's ugly. Sometimes it can be everything from a month to two months, three months, four months, a year where it’s a bit strange but to be able to come back through that is really exciting. To feel back to where we were when we were first together feels really exciting. To feel quite giddy and to go on a date.
What’s the smell of your first date or first time meeting or are there any scents that instantly bring you back to a moment you shared together?
Cobbie: We love food. We love Thai food. Our first date, all of the smells - lemongrass, basil, chilli, all of that felt very familiar.
Joseph: We go to saunas or spas together and that scent of the coals burning and the wood. Definitely reminiscent for me of you.
How do you maintain a healthy relationship when traveling or being apart a lot?
Joseph: I think we're maybe not that typical in the way that we interact while we're travelling because we often don't communicate that much when we're separate. But it's when you come home that you get to catch up in a proper way and find out what you've been doing and how you've been feeling.
Cobbie: I guess our lives, kind of predictive and regimented at work life, that sometimes we like the experience of just kind of floating through a holiday.
